


Simplicity

by ellebeedarling



Series: Shenko Smut Thursday 2018 [5]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Rimming, post-Horizon fix-it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 08:14:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14870060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellebeedarling/pseuds/ellebeedarling
Summary: After Horizon, Kaidan asks Shepard to meet him in a hotel room on the Citadel. Though both are feeling damaged and wounded, they are finally able to talk about their true feelings for one another.





	Simplicity

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this [prompt](https://giordinosaur.tumblr.com/post/172681981584/hokay-so-ive-seen-the-send-me-prompts-from) which was submitted for [Shenko Smut Thursday](https://spectrekaidanalenko.tumblr.com/tagged/shenkosmutthursday) on Tumblr: 
> 
> H’okay, so…  
> I’ve seen the ‘Send me prompts’ from @spectrekaidanalenko and I have a cheeky little idea! So this is with mshenko romance in ME1, but this wil be set during ME2 after horizon. Our cute space biotic will have a weak point and request to see Shep on the Citadel, and they just have the pent up sexual frustration, and go to some cheap place in the wards and bippity boppity, a cute little fluff or lemon, however the writer wants to take it. I’m shite at writing. But these little ideas are great to exploring. If y’all like it, take the idea and run with it by all means, please!!
> 
> It turned out a bit more melancholy than the prompter requested, but I still like it. Hopefully y'all will too! :)

Horizon had thrown Shepard for a loop. He wasn’t ashamed to admit it. He’d known that Kaidan was going to be there, but he hadn’t expected the man to be quite so… hostile. The Kaidan he remembered had been quiet and self-assured, rarely angry. His self-control had become a source of inspiration for Shepard - who regularly let his temper get the better of him. Kaidan was an exemplary soldier, a role model, a friend. 

 

When he’d gone back to the  _ Normandy _ , Shepard had locked himself in his cabin for several hours, needing to be sequestered from the crew, to be alone with his thoughts and a nice bottle of peaty scotch. Everything just felt so wrong - even before Horizon - and afterward, Shepard was left raw, wrung out. He’d needed a moment to break down without Miranda reporting his moping back to the Illusive Man or Chambers trying to psychoanalyze him. He knew he was a wreck. He didn’t need everyone else to know it, too. 

 

The next few weeks went by in a blur of activity, recruiting allies - Garrus, Tali, and Liara had all been glad to see him - and gathering intel on the Collectors. The constant whir of life left little time or energy at the end of the day for him to dwell on Horizon - on Kaidan. Joker had commented on his encounter with Kaidan - hell, even Garrus had mentioned it. He’d thought he’d done a stellar job of hiding his feelings for his lieutenant from the old crew, but apparently not. They all knew, and they were all full of pity for him. Shepard hated it. Hated, too, that he’d let himself fall for a subordinate, but there was something about Kaidan. The man felt more like the other half of his soul than a friend or subordinate, and that was something Shepard had never experienced before. 

 

Shepard had spent the first few months aboard this sparkling new ship being constantly reminded of who was missing from his life. Every time he had a new quandary to solve, he left his cabin to search for Kaidan before remembering that the man was gone -  _ moved on, _ the Illusive Man had told him. It felt so final, so bitter. 

 

It was weeks after Horizon before Shepard stopped looking for a communication from his former lieutenant. He’d hoped, probably foolishly, that Kaidan would send him a letter, apologize for being harsh, maybe - hell, give  _ Shepard _ a chance to apologize - but so far it hadn’t happened. His heart just couldn’t take the up-and-down turmoil that this wishfulness put him through, so he gave up on it. Focused on the mission. Tried to put Kaidan out of his mind. 

 

So, when he did finally get a letter from Kaidan, he was absolutely floored. There was the apology Shepard had longed for, but also… an invitation. 

 

_ Meet me on the Citadel. Contact me on this frequency once you’re on the station, and I’ll send coordinates. _

 

**

 

The location Kaidan sent was a hotel room in one of the seedier districts of Bachjret Ward. Shepard had briefly wondered if he was being set up, but the hotel turned out to be relatively nice in comparison to the rest of the area. And when he arrived, Kaidan was there - alone. 

 

“I wanted to talk,” Kaidan explained as he led Shepard into a comfortably appointed suite. “Without having to worry about anyone finding us. I guess I don’t have to tell you that I could get in some deep shit for talking to you.” 

 

This actually was a surprise to Shepard, but he didn’t say so. Honestly, if he gave it more than two seconds thought, he could see why. The Council had already flatly accused him of treason. It didn’t take a huge leap of logic to imagine the Alliance feeling the same. Following that cogent line of reasoning to its natural conclusion, Shepard could even see why Kaidan was so angry with him. 

 

No one wanted to believe that the Illusive Man had the power to literally raise someone from the dead. It was a terrifying thought, even to Shepard, who had the unpleasant misfortune of living with that fear on a day-to-day basis. It was so implausible that Shepard couldn’t possibly be telling the truth. He had to be a defector, a traitor, possibly even a double agent. 

 

Though Shepard knew the cold, hard facts, the absolute truth of the situation, looking at it through Kaidan’s eyes, even he had trouble believing it. Was it any wonder the man had treated him with such suspicion - such disdain?

 

Shepard took the seat that Kaidan gestured him toward, not letting himself relax. If Kaidan truly believed him to be a traitor, then this N7 soldier and Spectre had just walked into a nice little trap. Instinctively, he checked his surroundings, searching for evidence, anything that would give the gimmick away. There was nothing immediately noticeable. 

 

When his eyes landed on Kaidan, the man was staring at him, a lost, almost wistful, expression on his face. Shepard softened. Maybe it was true that Kaidan had lured him into a trap, but he’d be damned if he could face that look and not feel his heart reaching out toward the other man. 

 

It came as a shock - the realization that Kaidan could quite literally be the death of him. Because, Shepard would not fight him, would not defend himself against Kaidan’s attacks. He couldn’t, he knew. Watching Kaidan’s eyes, only one thought shone clearly in his mind - that he  _ loved _ Kaidan and would do anything for him. 

 

And that thought alone was enough to get him to relax, to let his guard down. 

 

“Kaidan,” he said, soft and low, too intimate to be a cordial greeting to an old friend. 

 

Kaidan finally broke eye contact, gaze drifting toward the floor. Shepard watched as the man gathered himself, sorted through the questions in his mind, ordered them according to their importance. 

 

“Shepard,” Kaidan began then stopped again. He stood, paced a few steps, dragged his fingers through his hair, then swirled to face Shepard again. “I just have one question for you,” he said at last, the words sounding hard and bitter as he forced them through his teeth. “And I want an honest answer.” 

 

“Shoot,” Shepard said, trying to keep the mood light, though everything about this encounter already felt oppressive. 

 

The biotic’s brows furrowed, unimpressed with Shepard’s attempt at levity. 

 

“I’ll tell the truth, Kaidan. I swear,” Shepard tried again. 

 

Kaidan paced the floor a few more times, anxious and fidgety. Shepard wished he knew of some way to put the man at ease. He figured the only way to accomplish that was to walk out the door and never let Kaidan lay eyes on him again, but it wasn’t fair to Kaidan. The man had questions, and god help him, Shepard hoped he had the answers. 

 

Regardless of his previous revelation, Shepard knew that he’d never get to act on the feeling. It hurt - like an ice pick through his heart - but he wouldn’t tell Kaidan, wouldn’t burden him with that knowledge. After this meeting, Shepard would let Kaidan be, give him the chance to move forward with his life and make something of it. 

 

Shepard was living on borrowed time anyway. 

 

“Where have you been for the last two years?”

 

He had known the question would be some variant of this. He also knew his answer would not please Kaidan. But he’d promised to be honest, though he deeply regretted that decision now. His words would only bring Kaidan pain, and god knew that was the last thing Shepard ever wanted to do. 

 

“Kaidan,” he entreated, but the man interrupted him.

 

“Don’t coddle me, dammit! Tell me the truth!” 

 

Shepard sighed, ragged and disheartened. No matter what came out of his mouth next, Kaidan wouldn’t forgive him. Kaidan would be hurt. There would be no reparation of their relationship. 

 

He met Kaidan’s gaze head-on, not flinching, unwilling to hide from the damage he was about to inflict. This was what it meant to love someone. Kaidan’s pain was Shepard’s pain, and he would carry it with him to his grave. 

 

“I was dead, Kaidan,” he said, voice flat and serious. 

 

Pain then disbelief then outrage flashed through Kaidan’s eyes. “John, I swear-”

 

Kaidan had never used his first name before. The fact that it came out sounding like a curse struck Shepard a heavy blow. “I’m telling the truth,” he interrupted. “Use your omni-tool and scan me,” he said, rising from his chair but keeping his distance. “Look and see for yourself - all the implants and cybernetics, all the titanium alloy and synth-flesh.” 

 

He’d meant to keep his tone smooth and even, but it was getting away from him, rising higher, more desperate with every syllable. He’d wanted to spare Kaidan the pain of knowing the truth, but he’d opened a floodgate of his own irrational fears and there was no stopping it. 

 

“I’m scared, Kaidan. I’m fucking terrified. I woke up in Cerberus hands, and I don’t know if they’re using me or… or controlling me. My life, my job, my fucking friends and family they’re gone, changed, moved on without me. Even my own damned mother doesn’t want to see me. I know that in my heart I feel like the same man I was before, but I don’t know in my head if that’s the truth. And I’m sorry that I don’t have platitudes or reassurances for you, Kaidan. I’m sorry that I left you alone for two years to mourn and to grieve. And I’m sorry that I showed back up at a time that’s so clearly fucking inconvenient for you, but I just don’t know what else to say.” 

 

With two long strides, Kaidan was in front of him, gripping his face in strong hands and crushing their lips together. Shepard collided roughly with the wall behind him, and he didn’t know whether to resist or crumble to Kaidan’s touch. Kaidan’s tongue shoved past Shepard’s lips and teeth, licking into his mouth, and John caved, surrendered to the velvety feel of the man. 

 

The kiss dragged on. All his fears and doubts drifted away until nothing remained but the sensory experience of kissing Kaidan. His five-o’clock shadow rough against John’s lips. His mouth, tasting of peppermint and a hint of whiskey that had been consumed before Shepard arrived. His scent, clean and fresh and woodsy like a winter forest. The wet sounds of their lips and tongues working together. The staccato moans and grunts pushed from each man’s throat.  

 

His lungs began to scream a protest at being denied oxygen for so long, and Kaidan pulled away from him with a gasp. Shepard sucked in a lungful of air, then blindly chased him, only opening his eyes when he encountered nothing but empty air. 

 

Kaidan stood before him looking utterly wrecked and hopeless. Shepard wanted to reach for him, to drag him close, to never let go, but he didn’t. He stood bone still, too afraid to move and shatter the fragile moment. The wall behind him supported his weight, his arms and hands dangling at his sides. Shepard watched Kaidan warily, unsure of how to proceed. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Kaidan whispered. “Shit!” He began to pace again, and all Shepard could feel was relief that he wasn’t running away. 

 

“Don’t be sorry, Kaidan,” Shepard told him. 

 

“I-I should have asked first, I-”

 

Shepard barked out an uncontrollable laugh, and Kaidan allowed himself to relax into a half-grin as well. “Jesus, Kaidan,” Shepard said. “You have my permission to do it again, how’s that?” All the promises he’d just made to himself, about not letting Kaidan know how he felt, fell by the wayside. He was weak from weeks of worry and confusion, vulnerable and in need of something reassuring. 

 

“Yeah?” 

 

Kaidan’s voice was husky now, his gaze predatory as he gracefully made his way back to where Shepard still leaned against the wall. The image of a lion about to pounce burned in Shepard’s mind. He swallowed, the look in Kaidan’s eyes going dark. 

 

Kaidan stopped in front of him, mouths separated by mere inches. Shepard’s brain worked in overdrive - a thousand ideas assaulting him simultaneously. Kaidan kissing him again. Kaidan telling him to get out. Kaidan grabbing him by the front of the shirt and tossing him to the bed. Kaidan’s body warm and pliant against his own. 

 

Through the morass, a singular thought threaded and wove its way to the forefront once more.  _ IlovehimIlovehimIlovehim. _ And finally a question, the tiniest spark of hope,  _ Does he love me, too? _

 

In answer, Kaidan’s lips met his own, softer now, sweet almost. A tender melding of moist skin against skin. A delicate flick of the tip of his tongue. Lips parting to make way. 

 

Shepard’s thoughts spiraled away again until all that endured was Kaidan - the feel, taste, and smell of him. His body reacted to the insistent tongue in his mouth, the whimpered moans Kaidan released. Anticipation thrummed through his veins as his dick swelled between his legs, but he was afraid to push for more. He didn’t want to frighten Kaidan away by asking for too much. 

 

Finally, Kaidan pulled back, regarding Shepard with an indecipherable expression. Shepard held his breath, unsure of where things would go from here. If those kisses were all he’d ever have, he’d take it. 

 

“I love you, you know?” Kaidan said, though he sounded more defeated than anything else about that revelation. The man paced away for what seemed like the hundredth time that day, and Shepard was left holding up the wall, as before. Still questioning how he should respond.

 

A wealth of emotions crossed Kaidan’s face then - elation, exhaustion, frustration, resentment, hope. “I mourned you,” he said, just as he’d done on Horizon. “I mean… we all did, but… The night before Ilos, I stood outside your cabin door trying to work up the nerve to knock, to come in and tell you… Did you know that?” 

 

“No,” Shepard said honestly. He’d had no idea. If he had…

 

“I loved you then. I wanted you, and  _ Christ _ …” He blew out a short puff of air, shoving his fingers through his hair again. “I’m sorry. I know you’re probably beyond confused at this point.” 

 

Shepard silently crossed the room, finally willing his body into action, and when Kaidan turned to face him again, John was there, pulling him close, mashing their mouths together, harsh and desperate. He stopped long enough to mumble a quiet, “I love you too, Kaidan,” before they were crashing together again. 

 

Steadily but gracelessly, they made their way toward the bed in the room. Kaidan shoved him down roughly then paused, eyeing him with a blank expression. Shepard hooked a finger through the man’s belt loop, tugging gently. “I want you, Kaidan,” he whispered. “I need you.” 

 

Kaidan’s confusion, his hesitancy, dissolved, and he quickly spread himself over Shepard’s body, kissing him deep and long. Fingers snatched and pulled at clothing, slowly, clumsily revealing swaths of naked skin. Kaidan’s lips found purchase on Shepard’s chest, mapping the outline of his pecs, scraping first his stubble, then his teeth over one of John’s nipples. Shepard hissed, arched into the touch, nerves singing with electric expectancy. 

 

Groaning, Shepard summoned his will and rolled them over, beginning his own mapping project of the muscular planes of Kaidan’s torso. They wrestled back and forth, seizing control of the moment in turns, until finally Kaidan wrenched John’s trousers open and drove his hand inside. 

 

“God  _ damn _ ,” Shepard choked out as Kaidan’s fist closed around his cock. At the first slow stroke, Shepard’s head fell back onto the bed, and he gave up his foolish need to run this show. Kaidan thumbed the tip, smearing pre-come down his shaft, and any coherent thought Shepard might have mustered fled before it could solidify in his brain. The mattress welcomed him, a soft, safe refuge from the terrifying world outside their door, and Shepard gave himself up completely to the pleasure that coursed through him, the gentle confidence of Kaidan’s touch, the affectionate smile gracing the man’s lips. 

 

Kaidan released him, and Shepard fought back a whine. Fingers hooked into his waistband, stripping Shepard down until he was completely nude, exposed to the chilly air of the room. Kaidan’s gaze flicked up and down the length of his body before he hummed appreciatively. Shepard grinned. 

 

He watched silently as Kaidan stripped himself down, admiring the man’s musculature, the thick dusting of hair that covered his chest and torso. “Always did love a hairy man,” he murmured, earning a chuckle from Kaidan. 

 

Sitting up, Shepard reached for him, drawing him closer and flicking his tongue over the tip of Kaidan’s protruding erection. He groaned softly at the salty drop he tasted. Angling his head, he parted his lips and took Kaidan in, the man’s hard length slipping easily into the dark heat of his mouth. Kaidan moaned, a husky, humming sound, drawn out and gorgeous. Liquid heat pooled in Shepard’s belly at the sound of it, spurring him to work his mouth faster, harder over Kaidan’s dick. 

 

“John, shit,” Kaidan said, guttural and low. 

 

He pulled away, gripping Kaidan by one hip to hold him close, curling fingers around the man’s cock and pumping slow strokes. His lips met the warm flesh of Kaidan’s stomach, and he breathed a sigh at being allowed such close proximity. Sweet relief coursed through him - the return home after an extended absence. The emotion made no sense. He’d never been this close to Kaidan before - may never be again, truth be told - but for now, it was comfort, it was enough. 

 

Kaidan bent low, removing himself from Shepard’s grip, and joined their mouths again. There was less haste, more passion in it this time. Shepard’s body began to ache with the unresolved tension of the situation. “Fuck me,” he muttered against Kaidan’s lips. “I want you inside me.” 

 

Kaidan held his gaze for a long moment before nodding. “Turn over.” 

 

Shepard did as instructed, but not before dragging out another interminable kiss. He heard Kaidan’s sigh as he situated himself on his knees, ass in the air, head resting comfortably on his folded arms. The position left him utterly exposed, but he didn’t care. If he seemed wanton, that was because he was. Very much so. This, he realized, was exactly what he’d been needing since he’d found himself aboard a Cerberus space station and discovered that he’d just lost the last two years of his life. 

 

For the past few months, he’d ignored his physical desires, feeling more than a little ashamed of himself for reasons he couldn’t begin to fathom. He’d never been a prude before; he’d had his share of lovers. It had been a rarity for him to turn down an invitation for a bit of fun and relief. 

 

Now, he had his answer to that nagging question of  _ why? _ The voice in the back of his mind that he’d been trying to drown out by focusing on duty and obligation - the voice that begged for  _ KaidanKaidanKaidan _ \- had prevented him from seeking his pleasure elsewhere. Now that the desire was about to be fulfilled, he found himself shaking with the yearning for it, the consuming need that burned within him. 

 

Kaidan slid gentle hands along his backside, carefully kneading his flanks before stooping to press kisses down his spine, into the dimples above his cheeks. His tongue began to carve a trail through the cleft of Shepard’s ass, back and forth until John was nearly writhing. Kaidan honed in on the very center, tonguing the rim, dipping inside. Shepard’s breath came harsh and gasping as Kaidan licked and sucked at the most intimate part of him, but the man worked relentlessly. Even when Shepard began to whimper and beg, Kaidan kept going, teasing the muscle into John’s hole, flicking it over the surface, circling the ringed edge. 

 

Shepard was coming apart at the seams, desperate for more than this elaborate, sensual touch. His nerves were on edge, sizzling beneath his skin. “Kaidan… _ please.” _ The words were long and ragged as they left his throat, embarrassingly needy. 

 

Kaidan satisfied himself with a few more licks before straightening up and pressing another kiss to the base of Shepard’s spine. “Be right back,” he murmured. A shiver raced up John’s spine as Kaidan’s hot breath ghosted over his sweat-damp skin. He heard a zipper, the rustle of fabric, the click of a bottle cap. Every muscle in his body clenched in anticipation, and he meticulously relaxed each and every one, readying himself for what was to come. 

 

A cold finger pressed against him, followed by Kaidan’s hot lips against the top of one cheek. “Relax,” he heard Kaidan whisper, and Shepard let himself go nearly boneless, only retaining enough control to maintain his position. 

 

Kaidan’s finger slid into him slowly, methodically twisting and plunging in order to loosen Shepard’s muscles enough to receive him. John thought of a lame joke about losing his virginity but decided now was probably not the best time. Instead, he concentrated on the slow gurgle of pleasure that simmered up from his balls to his gut. His dick felt woefully neglected, but he continued to ignore it, focusing on the point where Kaidan’s finger entered his body, eased the tight muscles, glanced across his prostate. 

 

Shepard was so strung out on pleasure by the time Kaidan added a second finger that he barely noticed. He did notice, however, when Kaidan’s free hand slipped between his legs to grasp hold of John’s dick. He was light-years beyond being embarrassed by the shuddering choking moan that left his lungs. Kaidan’s grip was light, his strokes feathery as his hand slid along Shepard’s cock, but the fingers in his ass were sure and steady, urging him swiftly toward sweet oblivion. 

 

“I’m going to come before you get the chance to fuck me,” Shepard said, muffled and garbled against the bedspread. 

 

Kaidan’s chuckle was rich and sonorous, sex-laced and lusty. “Ready then?” 

 

“I’m so fucking far beyond ready it’s not even funny,” Shepard said, vaguely wondering how he’d managed to string the words together. He whined at the emptiness left behind by Kaidan’s fingers, but Kaidan laughed again, releasing a bit of the tension of the moment. 

 

The bottle cap clicked again, followed by the wet sound of Kaidan slathering his cock with lube, and Shepard moaned, the noise signifying an end to his suffering, his patient waiting. Kaidan lowered himself over Shepard’s back, lips fluttering against the nape of his neck, his hairline, the shell of his ear. He felt Kaidan’s dick press hard against his opening and struggled not to hold his breath. Kaidan pushed in, and Shepard let him, opening himself to the intrusion, welcoming it, savoring the slick glide as their bodies were finally joined. 

 

_ “God!” _ he said as Kaidan bottomed out, the word sounded as if it had been punched from his chest, a barely audible wheeze. 

 

Kaidan huffed a laugh, hot breath over wet skin, then rested his forehead on John’s shoulder blade. “Fuck,” he groaned. “Fuck, John, I…”

 

“Don’t puss out on me now, Kaidan,” he teased gently. “We’ve made it this far.” 

 

One arm wrapped around Shepard’s chest, the other hand finding purchase on his hip, and Kaidan laughed light and mirthy, his forehead still pressed against John’s back. “You’re a real piece of work, you know that?” 

 

“But you love me,” Shepard ventured. “You said so, yourself.” 

 

“God, I love you,” Kaidan sighed, breath hitching on the last syllable. 

 

“I love you, too,” Shepard said, the mood suddenly turning too serious, too melancholy. “I’m sorry.” 

 

“Shh… like you said. We’ve made it this far.” A chaste kiss was applied to the middle of his spine, and Kaidan rocked his hips forward. That simple thrust chased the doubt and sadness out of Shepard’s mind, and he let himself be carried on the waves of pleasure that Kaidan offered him. One set of fingers dug into his hip, guiding him, while the other set caressed softly across his chest, fiddled with a nipple. 

 

John shifted slightly so he could buck back against Kaidan’s hips, meeting his thrusts halfway. They fell into a rhythm. “Jesus, fuck, Kaidan,” John whispered against his forearm. “Feels so good.” He lost himself in the steady movement, the measured slide of Kaidan’s body into his, the way Kaidan’s dick grazed his prostate. 

 

A gradual pressure began to build in his balls, radiating up his spine, down his legs, out his arms all the way to his fingertips until his body felt alive, finally, for the first time since he’d awoken on that table. Something deep inside crackled and fizzed like the remnants of a biotic discharge tickling across his skin. 

 

“Fuck, Kaidan, harder,” he babbled, tired of waiting, needing to release, to expel this dark energy inside him, consuming him. He pushed up onto his hands and knees, throwing Kaidan’s rhythm off for only a moment. Then there were hands on both his hips, squeezing till he bruised, and Kaidan snapped forward, burying himself to the hilt in one smooth motion. 

 

“Yes,” Shepard cried, reaching up to grab his own dick, to stroke himself to the rhythm that Kaidan had set.    
  


Kaidan’s movements became more frantic, his voice more breathless, his words more profane. The slap and thud of their bodies crashing together resounded in the air around them, accented with gasping breaths and unintelligible curses. Kaidan drove into him at a brutal pace that seemed to quicken with every pass, and John could barely hold on. He focused only on the connection of Kaidan’s body to his until the only thought that found room inside his head was  _ yesyesyesKaidanYES! _

 

His orgasm came like an earthquake - sudden and powerful, shaking him to his bones. The words that spilled out of him were nothing but meaningless jabber occasionally punctuated with a word like  _ Kaidan _ or  _ coming _ or  _ fuck. _ He emptied himself onto the bed beneath him, stroking until his dick was almost raw with the stimulation, but he couldn’t seem to stop. The torrent carried on, wracking his body with tremors and shakes like the orgasm had no intention of ending. 

 

Behind him, Kaidan broke off with a loud groan, hips stuttering and heaving as he spouted off his own litany of mindless praise. Shepard felt the unique sensation of Kaidan’s dick twitching inside him, warm come filling his ass, and suddenly they were both collapsing forward, landing right in the mess John had made and too tired to care. 

 

Kaidan remained buried deep as he pulled John tight against his body, cradling him, gusting heavy breaths across his back. “Holy hell,” he said, and Shepard laughed, hummed an agreement. Kaidan held him, strewing velvet kisses across his back. John peppered kisses against Kaidan’s fingertips. Until finally they’d both recovered their breathing and brain function enough to formulate words. 

 

“Did you mean it?” John heard himself asking, now nervously fiddling with Kaidan’s fingers. 

 

“That I love you?” 

 

Shepard stayed deathly still and quiet, afraid to move, afraid to splinter the beautiful dream he’d landed in. 

 

“John. Hey.” Kaidan was finally soft enough to slip out of him, and he gripped Shepard’s shoulder, rolling him onto his back. “Hey,” he said again, pressing the most tender, most loving kiss to Shepard’s lips. “Yeah, I meant it. Did you?” 

 

John nodded, bringing a finger up to caress Kaidan’s cheek. “So, what now?” 

 

“Now… Well, now, we shower, order some room service, do this again in a few hours, and… and we take it day by day.” 

 

“That simple?” 

 

“That simple.” 

 

Shepard buried his fingers in Kaidan’s thick hair and brought him lower for a kiss. They were both soldiers, both realists; they both knew the score. It wasn’t that simple, as both of them were painfully aware. Somehow, the thought didn’t make Shepard sad, though. He’d just have to figure out a way to  _ make  _ it that simple. Like Kaidan had said, they’d take it day by day. 

 

He’d finish his mission, earn back his commission, mold himself into someone that Kaidan could be proud of, and one day, he promised himself, one day, they’d be together without this fear and uncertainty between them. One day things would be different. For now, the only  _ simple _ thing about the situation was that John loved Kaidan, and for now, it was enough to know that Kaidan loved him, too. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! 
> 
> Special thanks to my super amazing and wonderful beta [estalfaed!!](http://estalfaed.tumblr.com) You're the best!! *mwah*
> 
> Check out my tumblr: [ellebeedarling](http://ellebeedarling.tumblr.com) and the Kaidan appreciation blog I run (with a lotta help from my friends!) [spectrekaidanalenko](http://spectrekaidanalenko.tumblr.com)
> 
> Much love,   
> Elle


End file.
